Playing in the Field

We played in the field out behind our house and as an added bonus got to enjoy a beautiful patch of blue bonnets. These ivory-colored butterflies were fluttering all around us and it felt like something out of a fairy tale. Rosie was pretty content just experiencing it all and I got a joy out of her curiosity. I have been reading The Last Child in the Woods recently and it has definitely impacted our day to day life. I am trying to make sure now that we get outside more often and that Rosie spends more time roaming independently rather than being carried or strapped in the stroller.

 It certainly isn’t easy (she keeps me on my toes!) but I also think she benefits from the bit of freedom to interact with her surroundings. Besides, mama is always close enough by to make sure no flowers get eaten. ;)

Ramblings

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I was having an otherwise long, wearisome day yesterday that brightened when I finally got to pick Rose up from daycare. There is nothing that quite lifts the spirit than to see your child just light up in absolute bliss when they see you. Everyday I think I will get used to it and I don't. Being a mother has it's challenges for sure but it is so dang worth it to me, the sleepless nights, getting my glasses repeatedly ripped off my face, the puke stains...despite all that, it's still worth it. 

On the way home I accidentally got stuck in school traffic. Like a total standstill. But I was, surprisingly not annoyed by this. Instead I found myself watching the kids pool out of the elementary school, squealing and telling their parents excitedly about there day. It really made me smile, which after the craptacular day I had been going through, was definitely something. 

It made me think about my little baby in the backseat and how she would one day be going to kindergarten, a backpack crammed full of school supplies and a carefully prepared lunch. How we would agonize together the night before about the perfect first-day-of-school outfit. I know this mama is gonna cry for sure. Best just to accept that for what it is. Thankfully I have a few years before we cross that bridge but even now, I know how slippery time can be. I look back at pictures of when we first brought Rosie home and it's hard to believe how much she's grown. I mean, dude, she has a tooth now! She doesn't even want any help from anyone to hold her bottle. She can do it all by herself thankyouverymuch. 

I must sound like a broken record. But the surprise of watching her grow, yeah, add that to the list of things you never get used to as a parent. And I don't want to ever take this time for granted. People often say "savor this time while their young" and it kind of freaks me out because I know once the moment passes, the first tooth, the first word, etc etc it's over. That's why, I guess, if I am to really be focusing on anything these days it's to be on living in the moment. Not stressing about the murky shadows of the distant future nor dwelling on the shoulda, woulda coulda's of the past. 

Just. This. Moment. 

Bliss

It’s 445AM. My “alarm” goes off. And by alarm I mean the dear sweet baby’s little voice cries out. I go to her crib, and pick her up: “It’s okay my love, mommy’s here.” I whisper. It’s part of our morning ritual. The words leave my lips and she is calm. Still sleepy, her head droops on my shoulder as she snuggles a little closer. I kiss her fuzzy head, sealing this memory to my mind for forever because I know she won’t be this small for long.

So I savor the weight of her body in my arms & as she eats and slowly drifts back to sleep, we sway in the rocking chair. The stillness, the peace.

 This is bliss.  

The Magical Laundry Basket Mobile

She's waving hello with her foot. Rosie discovered the joys of laundry baskets today. 

Rolling Over

Is it strange that I still get a little emotional when I see this video? Even after almost a month, the novelty of seeing mademoiselle Rosie roll over hasn't worn off. She is a rolling machine now! If I look away for even a moment she will have rolled off her play gym and be making her way across the livingroom floor.

The video makes me teary because, well, that's my baby girl! And her determination is so so endearing. I remember when I filmed her, the restraint it took for me not to put down the phone when she started to get frustrated, run over and flip her over. That moment, however small, was my first lesson in stepping back as a mom and letting Rose do something for herself.

She takes a deep breath, gives me a grin and tries one last time with a fierce roar. And bam! She's on her tummy, triumphant. You go, baby mermaid. Even your little victories make me so proud.

I have been meaning to write but this week has been quite hectic. "I'm tired" has been my answer to pretty much everything. In desperate need for a vacation, I am excitedly waiting to hit the road for Oklahoma in a few short days. In the meantime Grandma McDaniel came down to spend the weekend with us. It's been wonderful and I'm not just saying that because she has been making us delicious food the last couple nights. ;)


Tuesday Rosie had her 4 month checkup and our little girl weighed a whopping 16 lbs and was 26 inches tall! She was 99 percentile in height which pretty much confirmed what I already knew: we are going to have a very tall girl on our hands. No surprise there, she comes from a family of giants on her papa's side. & she's been wearing 6 month size clothes since she was 4 weeks old.

This weekend I am setting out to organize her clothes to see which ones actually still fit her. She's growing so quickly!

The Big 4 Months

Our big girl is 4 months old today. And guess what? 

She rolled over yesterday 100% on her own...like a boss! 

In other news, I'm pretty sure Rose is aware of her own fabulousity. Look at that attitude! 

Mama & Baby Mermaid Adventures

Rosie and I had another one of our adventures. I'm exposing her early to the joys of antique shopping.

Of Cinderella & Wild Things: A Family of Readers

There is never any shortage of books in this house. I know that if we wanted we could easily build our furniture out of the stacks of books tucked in each room.


 I buy most of my books online these days but splurged at Barnes and Noble recently and got a book for Rose, me and Stephen. Where the Wild Things Are is such a classic, I just know Rose will grow to love it as much as I did (it's a favorite of Stephen's too). I couldn't resist picking it up in Spanish. When I read it to her last night, oh words can't express how her eyes lit up. My future bookworm! 


She would crane her neck to look at me as I read it and then immediately look back at the pages, transfixed. Pre-bedtime reading with the rosebud is very special to me. I cherish it, knowing someday she won't want me to hold her and rock her and read her a story.  I feel a peculiar pang when I think about my baby growing up because it reminds me that these moments are fleeting. 


Beautiful, magical, but so darn fragile. 

Letters to My Rosie: 3 Months Old

Dear Rose,
You are growing up so fast my baby mermaid. I blinked and now you're turning 3 months old. How did this happen? I spent the better part of the afternoon just folding up your newborn clothes, tiny hats and onesies you wore for practically half a day. It gave me a twinge of heartache because I feel that chapter ended way too quickly.

Last night you slept in your own room for the first time. I expected you to be scared but instead I got a snoring baby less than two minutes after I put you down. Even with the monitor rigged so I could watch you, I still must have checked up at least half a million times--ready at a moment's notice to kiss and hug away any nightmare monsters. But instead you slept so blissfully, arms raised above your head and little mouth half-open.

Truthfully, I am afraid to fall asleep at night and wake up to find you graduating high school.

 Every day you amaze me more and more (like seriously, what are you storing in those giant chipmunk cheeks sweetie?) Thanks for laughing at my rendition of Blink 182's All the Small Things. I promise mommy will try and learn some actual lullabies one of these days.



Love,
Mama

Curious

Yesterday was a wonderfully lazy Sunday. I ran a few errands and brought Rose along for the ride. That's the great thing about having a baby around, even the most mundane activity like picking up dogfood feels more like a grand adventure because you get to see things from her eyes. I took her down each aisle, pointing out the birds, the reptiles and little gerbils but nothing quite had her as mesmerized as the fish tanks.

"Rose?" I asked but there was simply no pulling her attention away from them. I could have probably walked off and she wouldn't have noticed. Her fascination and curiousity with the colorful fish just made me smile. I explained to her what the different types of fish were and earned a few awkward looks from the teenagers working. But I honestly didn't care nor did it matter if Rose probably didn't understand a single word I was saying. She had fun, I had fun.

Afterwards we went and bought a new little tomato plant, my first step, however itty bitty, in trying to grow my own food. Right now the fella lives in our kitchen window. Hopefully, if he continues to grow and stay healthy I can add another plant to the windowsill real estate. If I had it my way half the yard would be turned into a garden. Too bad it's a rental and on top of that I am not sure I would have time in my busy schedule to tend it properly. Someday though!

The rest of the day was spent cleaning, with Stephen and I taking turns entertaining the rosebud while the other cleaned. It took awhile but after countless loads of laundry, vacuuming and patience the house finally came together. For dinner we settled in for some chili and salad. All & all it was a really peaceful day. <3

Rosemary's Garden Photoshoot

It's taken me awhile to post these but here they are, a few shots from the photoshoot done by the lovely and oh so patient Casey Keeton. We had them done at the San Antonio botanical gardens (it's become one of my favorite places in the city and I think I definitely need to get an annual pass.) 

We found a little painted butterfly and decided to put it in the basket with her. It almost looks real! This is probably one of my favorite pictures because she looks so at home in the bed of marigolds, like a sweet fairy baby just taking a nap after dancing in the flowers. <3

For the first thirty minutes Rose was sharing her, ahem, lovely temper with us. Eventually the cranky pumpkin fell asleep and rather than wake her up we just carried her around in the basket from place to place. Hey it got the job done!

The only smile she was willing to grace us with that afternoon but oh is it precious!

Rosemary's First Day at Daycare

Today was Rose's first day of daycare & I felt like a kid again, anxious with anticipation for that first day of school. I had taken special care to pack her diaperbag all nice and neat, laid out her clothes with matching headband and socks. I know this is just the first of many first's. First day of kindergarten, first day of middle school, then high school and someday college. And I know Rose will handle every new first with the calm poise of the little belle that she is.

I got up early, far earlier than I needed to be awake. I made a cup of coffee, envisioning how I would fill my day off with a slew of selfish indulgences: pedicure, maybe a matinee, sit outside and write, do a little shopping. But really I was just brainstorming ways to keep busy and not dial up the daycare provider every fifteen minutes.

The sun was rising when I packed Rose and her arsenal of baby things (so maybe she doesn't need three extra outfits but you never know!) and it filled the sky with brightest shades of pinks and golds I have ever seen. It was beautiful and definitely felt like a good omen. We jammed out to some Adele on the way over and even as I dropped her off Rose was calm, content. I gave her a kiss on those big ol' cheeks and she grinned back as if to say, "oh mama! don't worry about me!"

My darling you are so awesome and your curiousity for the world is a constant inspiration. xoxo

Mother's Day

Rosie, my dear sweet little rosebud. You are my world & every day I am so grateful to be your mother. Thank you thank you thank you. A million times over, thank you.

Mean Mugging Baby

What a day. Seriously, I can't believe the hoops I had jump through but so glad I got everything done. First thing Rose and I did this morning was head over to our DEERS appointment to get her enrolled as my dependent. Which involved me holding her carseat up so she could have photo ID taken, binkie and all!

Next we made our way across base to the Tricare office. In case you missed our last adventure, it was giggles and ponies all around. Not. The abridged version, Tricare still sucks. As the woman behind the desk explained to me that I missed the deadline to get Rose enrolled in Prime (by one freaking day), I was seriously having to force that polite smile. Luckily Rose was able to fully express our displeasure.

Rose: (fierce glare)
Tricare Woman: Oh my, she looks quite angry!
Me: Ah yes, that would be Rose's mean mug. Best not to mess with her.

For the curious, Rose's infamous mean mug looks a lot like this:

It makes grown men weep. 

After that we went to get her vaccinations done. But Rose, ever the tricky hobbit, had other plans. I should have recognized the crooked smile. The smile that means only one thing. Two words: Diaper. Explosion. It was Mt. Vesuvius erupting, the heavens colliding sort of diaper blowout. Even the veteran parents around me were a bit horrified.

Poop on my shoulder, handful of dirty wipes and a kicking baby, I was a real work of art. One woman even came up to me in the bathroom, reverent. "Is this your first child?"

"Um, yes it sure is ma'am."

"If you don't mind me saying you are handling it all," she waved to the aftermath, "very very well."

So there you have it, I may get pooped on but at least I can still carry myself with dignity. I wonder if that might just be a metaphor for my life in general.

On the Road Again

Going back to Texas today, catch ya'll on the flipside!

Just Don't Be a Sailor

"You can be whatever you want to be, my darling," I tell Rose. She gurgles back at me, wiggling her arms in delightful reply. "If you want to be a mechanic, that's cool. Or a writer or a magician. Just please don't join the military like your mom and dad."

She suddenly squints her eyes in a gaze far too serious for a little 7-week, excuse me, 8-week-old baby.

Rose continues to stare at me, unblinking. I give in. "Don't give me that look---okay, well if you wanted to join the Coast Guard I suppose that would be alright...just don't tell your papa."

**

For as long as I can remember I have been self-sufficient but taking that first step into "the real world" was absolutely terrifying. When I graduated early for high school I was jobless and unsure of how a lower middle-class girl like me was going to afford college. Not to mention how was I going to answer the age-old question that plagues every young adult: What Did I Want to Do With The Rest of My Life™. So I joined the Navy and never looked back.

It was the best thing for me. I got to travel a little, a steady paycheck and a means to pay for school, that is of course once I figured out just what it was I wanted to study. I wanted to be a veterinarian, a tattoo artist, an officer. I was all over the place. And that's the thing about being young, you are still trying to figure out the kind of person you want to be. Making a decision at seventeen for what you want to do with the rest of your life is not just ridiculous, it's impractical.

& really the facts speak for themselves with so many kids dropping out of college or switching their majors around, wasting their money or their parents' money. That's why I think taking a gapyear (or even two or three...) can be quite sensible. I remember when I explained just this to my highschool counselor and she stared at me, mortified. And when I told her I had joined the military, well, the woman nearly had a heartattack (I might as well have told her I had joined a biker gang).

I wonder, years from now, when Rose comes to me and we have a real discussion about her "future" what will she say? What will I say? I only hope I can be as confident with her decisions as I was with mine. I think we owe our children that, don't you think? Faith that when the day comes they will know what's best for them. Whether it be going to college straight from high school, or spending a year in Italy eating gelato.

The Travelling Baby

If I were to describe my life right now in terms of twitter hashtags it would go something like this: #stressed #happy #omgthankgoodnessforcaramelmacchiatos. But life is not meant to be condensed into a handful of random words. It is crazy and beautiful and a series of many wonderful tiny moments.

1. Sushi @ Full Moon, delicious zombie & chuxui rolls 2. Spencer, Rose's awesome cousin enjoying his rice 3. Rose's other buddy, little sweetpea Grayson 4. Easter cake with jelly bellies! 5. onward to Oklahoma 6. Chubby cheeked baby mermaid 7. Madamoiselle Rosie in our sleeper car on the train 8. Upperdeck dining car--got to meet some very interesting people!

Rose and I kicked off our Easter weekend by catching a train to Ft. Worth where the family came down from Oklahoma to pick us up. It was a pretty relaxing ride, I enjoyed the scenery of endless blue bonnet fields and gorgeous farmlands. Very picturesque!

Getting a sleeper car was definitely worth the money and I recommend it for anyone travelling with children. Seriously. I couldn’t believe how well Rose slept but then again, so did I!

There is something about riding trains that I find so much fun. I think the kid in me just likes to look out the window and pretend I’m on my way to Hogwarts, haha! But in all honesty, train rides might just be my new favorite way to travel. What I also love is eating in the dining car because it means sharing communal meals & you just never know who might sit down at your table. I had a very nice conversation with an adorable amish couple travelling to Indiana.

And best of all? There isn’t any cranky TSA folks trying to grope you or confiscate your water bottle.

3am

It's 3am & she's just been fed. These early mornings are, strangely enough, my favorite time. The rest of the world fades away. Rose might fuss a little when I change her diaper, just a small whimper as if to say "ugh, mama it's too early for this" but generally she'll sleep through that too. I swear she even sleep-eats.

I love these quiet moments because in them I can pretend that the 6-page psych paper I have to write doesn't exist, the appointments and obligations and work that is waiting for me...it doesn't exist. In this moment, it's just me & this snoring baby. I stare at her and get lost in the rhythm of her breathing. It's absolutely intoxicating.

Eventually I lay her back down in the bassinet by our bed. It's 3am & I am so tired but so alive. So aware of how blessed I am. I close my eyes and drift back to sleep knowing that right now, life is so damn beautiful.

Playing in the Garden

Mosquitos and muggy weather, it can only mean one thing. Spring is upon us down here in the Alamo city. We've been hit by a few storms over last few weeks, getting some much needed rain. I can already tell this summer is going to be different from previous years, hopefully cooler than the beastly 100's we normally have to look forward to during the May through September months.

Rose's namesake <3

To celebrate the wonderful weather we had yesterday, the family took a trip to the botanical gardens here in San Antonio for an afternoon among the flowers.It was absolutely amazing! I loved that there was lots of shade (perfect for both baby mermaids and their super pale mama mermaids).

My favorite part would have to be the indoor garden, full of orchids and bunches of tropical flowers the scent in . It really looked liked something out of Jurassic Park.

Rose slept pretty much the entire time and only got a little fussy when we were leaving---such an angel!

Nothing but love xoxo

Spencer, Rose's big cousin, giving me one of his "serious looks".

Until next time, Rose & I are out!