The Working Mother's Manifesto: Kicking Guilt to the Curb

As if I don't have to battle my own anxieties of being a working mom, last month the Atlantic published an article titled Why Women Still Can't Have it All, explaining that even in our modern-day society where mama's are kicking ass... motherhood and careers go together like oil and water. According a recent study by the Working Mothers Institute, 55% of us feel guilty for not spending enough time with our kids. And so this is my reply, the working mother's manifesto, five reasons why I (and you too) need to kick this guilt to the curb.

1. I am going to school and working hard so that I can provide for my daughter a life free of the fears and worries I had as a child growing up in poverty.  
2. Yes, my daughter goes to daycare. No, this does not mean "someone else is raising her". I'm raising her. She just happens to be lucky enough to have a nanny who adores her and friends to play and interact with during the day.
3. I am a positive role model, through my actions I am showing Rosie that someday when the time is right she will know that she doesn't need to choose between being a mom and working. She can have both. 
4. Because I work, Rosie won't have to worry about whether she can afford college. I will have saved enough to help her.
5. Just because I do not to get the quantity of time with her as I would as a stay-at-home-mom, does not impact the quality of time we share together. Exploring the colors and textures and smells at the grocery store may not be your idea of fun, but me and Rose think it's FREAKING AWESOME. So there.

That Terrible Word: Daycare

Most moms dread putting their child in daycare but it doesn't have to be that way. We have all kinds of fears ranging from the silly what if my child loves the careprovider more than me to the more troubling what if it's a bad daycare? Both of these concerns and ones like them are valid. It's okay to worry, take it from me, I am a professional at it. But hopefully I can help ease some of anxieties new mothers face when looking for the right place, whether it be part time or everyday while you are at work. I'm no expert but since the search for daycare has recently ended for me, the emotional-rollercoaster is still pretty fresh.

So here are some tips:

1. Start looking early. Most daycares will let you be put on the waiting list when you enter the third-trimester, I recommend starting the search earlier. This doesn't have to be a stressful process either. Begin by asking around, find out where your friends keep their children. Chat with other moms at the park, Babies 'R' Us. The cool thing about being a mom or soon-to-be-mom is that you already have a great conversation piece--your baby! So don't be afraid to talk to other moms.

2. There are resources out there, use 'em. Whether it be care.com, your state's list of registered providers (here you will be able to look up how they've done on inspections, or any of the other zillions of websites out there, make a list! I ended up using metrodaycare.com to find Rose's sitter but it wasn't easy! I made 60+ calls before finding the right person.

3. Have a back-up. Better yet, have a back-up for your back-up. Nothing sucks worse than being left stranded without a sitter when your first choice steps down. This happened to us. We had been promised a spot at the brand new CDC (child development center, aka military's daycare) on base. The coordinator strung us along for months saying it would be open any day now. Three months later and she still says it will be open any day. I found a back up in the meantime and guess what? Two days before Rose was to start the provider called and backed out. I was left scrambling. I don't wish that kind of headache on anyone!

4. Once you've found the perfect daycare, be sure to label EVERYTHING. A friend of mine who works at a daycare center told me one time a parent accidently took another baby's carseat because they looked similar! Make it easier on yourself and the provider and just get in the habit of labelling anything you send in your baby's bag. Inchbug makes some awesome labels for bottles, clothes, you name it.

5. Your provider will let you know what your baby needs to bring. But I recommend at least two outfits, diapers and wipes, and enough food (either formula or breastmilk) to last not just the time they will be there but a little extra. Leave the cute clothes at home, they won't stay clean for long and might get lost.

6. Above all, relax. Finding a great provider might not happen overnight but there are plenty of wonderful people out there who will take good care of your little one! In America we live in a society that guilt trips women who choose to put their child in daycare but the reality is that daycare can be an amazing experience for your little one. They get plenty of early socialization and are intellectually stimulated with activities catered to their age group.