Growing Up in Pink Culture

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There are certain questions that enter my mind, things I didn’t necessarily think too much about until I became a mother. More specifically, until I had a daughter. One of those questions is how to teach my daughter femininity without the objectification of her sexuality. I feel these days there are two sides of the spectrum when it comes to parenting little girls: Androgyny and what I will just refer to as the Pink side.

            Most of us fall somewhere in between the two but it is quite easy to slip the scale in one direction or the other. I know I tend to weigh more closely on the pink side of the spectrum (what can I say, it’s my favorite color). But I’ve begun to question if a household of pink baby gear might have a long-lasting effect on Rose’s development of her feminine identity.

Cue a few raised eyebrows in the audience.

I know it might sound a little melodramatic and besides isn’t pink the universal color of femininity? But that’s my point.  I fear limiting Rose’s scope of what it means to be a girl by suggesting that there needs to be a division of pink = girls, blue = boys in the first place.

Furthermore, I feel there is a fine line between fostering femininity and playing into society’s expectations of what it means to be a little girl. It was simple for me growing up, I was a tomboy in a neighborhood full of boys and I didn’t develop my love for fashion until much later in life (say my 20’s…) and I fought wearing dresses for many years. 

There was a point in my childhood in which I was obsessed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In fact there was a pair of sneakers I wanted so bad because it had them on it. So one day a family friend bought them for me. I was excited. My mother, however, was not. I cried when she took them back and even as a child I never forgot what she told me: “These shoes are for boys!”

I didn’t understand then but I do now. My mother wasn’t trying to be cruel, she knew that there are social norms. Strong social norms. On how girls are supposed to act and the things they are supposed to wear.

Maybe things weren’t much different back then after all.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there seems to be so much pressure placed on little girls to adhere to this standard of loving makeup, playing with dolls and pretending to be their favorite Disney princess and I am starting to question if that direction doesn’t just lead towards materialism and vanity. Marketing teams have discovered that if they can sell families one item for their son, they know parents will buy it in pink for their daughters.

I don’t want to raise Rose thinking that this is what it means to be a lady, that the prevailing pink culture is what defines femininity. I want her to know it’s okay to get muddy, that it’s alright to wear Mutant Ninja Turtle shoes if she wants. These things won’t make her any less a girl. 

"How to Talk to Little Girls"

I remember when I first became pregnant & stumbled across this article. To summarize, the writer poses the idea that we are limiting the abilities of our daughters through seemingly harmless comments like: "you look cute in that dress!"

Over the months I have given this a lot of thought. No parent wants to think they are feeding the fire to insecurities their daughter might one day face in a society so hell-bent on the outward image.

But why can't I tell my daughter she's pretty? And smart? And such a sweet ray of sunshine?
The problem isn't in the compliments. It's in cultivating her sense of self. Letting her decide who she wants to be and supporting that. By doing so we are in turn helping her build the self confidence she needs to make it in this world.

What Bloom fails to see is that complimenting a little girl's looks does not, as she puts it, "result in 5-year-olds dieting" and "11-year-olds wearing mascara". The equation just isn't that simple; it's a multi-faceted problem. We blame societal and peer pressures and while those do sadly have an impact on our daughters, in the end their greatest teachers are going to be us, the mothers (or female mentors).

I'm not saying they won't have other influences but we are their first & primary example. So in order to raise happy, self-assured girls wouldn't it make sense that we look to ourselves to set the example? That's my hope at least. That my own little Rosemary can see from me that it's okay to rock a pretty dress & read a book. You don't have to choose to be either smart or pretty, instead be both and be awesome!