Learning to Swim in a Sea Full of Sharks

As the belly grows, the countdown goes from weeks to days. The homestretch, they call it. Speaking of stretch, who’s body is this and what happened to mine? I don’t recognize these angry red scars across my hips or these too big boobs. Someone please relinquish me from the 37 weeks of morning sickness, from the bombardment of nosey questions and scary decisions I have to make for someone else’s life.

I’m tired because I can’t sleep. And I lie awake at two am and wonder if this is just the prelude to a life of never sleeping again. I turn on the tv to drown out my anxieties but the only thing on are regaton music videos on telemundo.

I scour the internet for someone who’s story is similar to mine. But everyone puts their best face forward and I feel like the only woman struggling to cope with what it means to be a single mother in the military. I have no sassy group of mom-friends at my side to tell me it will be alright. Nor is there a How-to page to walk me through this or a blog that can reassure me on what’s to come. So I shoulder on and pave my own path, hoping that somewhere along the way this won't feel so lonely and terrifying.

After all, there ain’t much else to do when you’re up a creek without a paddle then learn to swim.